Losing hope, gaining hope.

by wynlim

I set my heart on being in San Francisco this year, but many times in life, things just simply do not work out the way you want it to. 

I spent almost the whole of dec and jan feeling very sorry for myself and wondering why I never seem to be able to enjoy a period of desired stability in my life. 

One night, probably at the bottom of my self-dug pit, I had a impromptu supper with a dear friend, he somehow mentioned his year of backpacking – he visited 30 odd cities after graduation.

It was then I realised, there is so much of the world I haven’t seen. 

To be fair, San Francisco wasn’t just a city I loved. It represented my dreams and hopes, for my health, my life, my career and for the local tech community I was hoping to enrich if I had the opportunity to bring back the acquired experience. 

Going all the way to find something I love doing and people I love working with – only to stumble because of paperwork, it was hard for me to stomach rationally, because it wasn’t just a job, it felt like I am losing something I truly loved.

Yet I do believe everything happens for a reason, similarly when I look back, every seemingly negative situation turned out to be for the better in hindsight. As Steve Jobs once said, you can only connect the dots backwards.

I am curious what the Universe has in mind for me. I am also curious to see how I’ll really react from this situation. It is only during tough times that we get to see our true character and strength. I am curious to know myself better, whether I possess the resilience and determination to see things through.

I’ve always managed to overcome challenges in my life, out of pure defiance. For a change, I would like to see if I can actually take challenges into my stride, as though they are part of game levels I want to complete.

I will be travelling again because I am still a nomad at heart and I love new experiences. And to be honest I am increasingly finding it difficult to up and leave, especially when I am aware of my loved ones getting old. I would like to continue taking risks, trying new things and going new places while I am still relatively mobile – in every sense of the word ‘mobile’.

Having been through a period of bad health myself and seeing some people around me falling sick, I am very conscious of how precious health is and we often make the mistake of believing we’re young and hence infallible. 

While I am still in relative control of my choices, I want to live life the best way I can, else as I have repeated a dozen times before, it would be difficult to find meaning in life for me, without hope.