Life is a delicate balancing act
Time flies and I have been in Vancouver for a month. There is still a lot of Vancouver I haven’t seen, but whatever spare time I have I am either resting or travelling across miles to get to a specific restaurant I want to try out.
I get funny looks from wait staff when I tell them I need a seat for one person. Probably it is a combination of me looking young, being chinese and female. Being alone forces me to be really introspective sometimes, because there is nobody to divert my attention. It is just me, alone with my thoughts. It is something like one of those 7-day silent meditation retreats whereby you know you cannot escape from yourself.
There are pros and cons. I think a lot and I am training myself to observe my thoughts in third-party mode. Sometimes having the time to think equates to conjuring up ten thousand scenarios for yourself to worry. However, that gives me the opportunity to tell myself to focus on my objective.
For example, I feel guilty of being far away from my family. I don’t know is it my Asian conservative upbringing but it almost feels wrong to want to do something for myself and not think about how my family would feel. When I start to feel this way, I remind myself why I am doing this. Because it is not going to make everyone happier if I stay behind for the sake of my family but I let my life stagnate.
I am very sensitive to the fragility of life and that is the reason why I have to be this intense in pursuing my dreams. I do not want to wait till it is too late. Yet on the other hand, as people I love grow older, I am paranoid that I will not have enough time to spend with them until it is too late.
Life is a delicate balancing act. I am constantly learning how to be relentless in my pursuits and yet cherish what I have back at home. We just have to try what we think is our best and really hope for the best. We can only pick certain priorities at any given time.
For me, I constantly remind myself what it means to be in my situation and for the most part of it, I am still very blessed. To have a shot of what I am experiencing right now compared to having not even the room to maneuver. I know I have been lucky, even if I had the courage to forge my own luck. For certain opportunities in life, you just have to take a gamble.
In trying to achieve our own goals, we sometimes forget to appreciate little things. The ability to taste, to walk, to see. The beauty that surrounds us everyday that we may take for granted. I pass by snow-capped mountains *every single day* in Vancouver and I almost forget it is such an awesome magnificent sight to behold: